Small town shocked by random pottery vandalism

The quaint town of Cirencester, England, was left reeling today after another instance of seemingly random pottery vandalism.

The town, which is nestled deep in the heart of the Cotswolds, has been dealing with a spate of identical attacks during which an unknown perpetrator forces their way into homes, picks up pieces of the owners pottery or stoneware, raises them above his head and smashes them on the ground.

The reports are made all the more strange by the way the attacker is said to dress, apparently sporting a green tunic, pointed hat and skirt, leading many to believe that the criminal is a transvestite.

The Daily Pixel spoke to Marie-Anne Dalton who is the latest in a string of victims to have been targeted.

“He just came bursting in through the door” said Mrs Dalton, who has been visibly traumatised by the affair. “He walked straight past me as if I wasn’t there and went straight for my prized collection of perfectly rounded, light blue clay pots and just started throwing them at the wall!”

But the bewildered coot’s nightmare didn’t end there.

“Afterwards he just came over and stared at me. I asked him what he wanted and he wouldn’t move until I screamed at him to get out!”

It was after this that the attacker finally left the house through the front door.

Gloucestershire Police have partially placed blame on the fact that houses in Cirencester don’t have locks on their front doors, a proud tradition that has been in existence for decades.

Police are investigating possible links between this spate of vandalism and the death of a number of chickens three months ago. Witnesses stated that the birds appeared to have been beaten to death with a stick.