People claiming video games cause violent and aggressive behavior should be shot, say gamers

May 4, 2012 12:00 pm

Gamers have reacted angrily to the findings of a recent study that suggests playing video games significantly increases aggression levels, demanding that the authors of the “sensationalist research” be taken outside and shot.

“These bastards deserve to die”, said one furious Battlefield 3 player. “I’m sick to death of these f**kers talking sh*t about our hobby, spouting pseudo-scientific gobbledygook in a bid to make a name for themselves. I’d love to get my hands on these so-called scientists and give them a real good kicking. Let’s see how smart they are with my foot up their ass”.

With the debate surrounding video game violence having intensified following the announcement of Grand Theft Auto V, gamers are eager to point out that fewer than half of them actually go on to commit unspeakable atrocities.

“I’m perfectly capable of distinguishing between the good and bad voices in my head”, said Michael, a self-confessed gamer. “Sure, they get pretty loud sometimes, especially when they talk over each other, but I just let them fight it out amongst themselves. These idiots that constantly try and prove a link between video games and real-life violence really make my blood boil. Shooting’s too good for them if you ask me. Personally I’d like to see them ripped limb from limb, Mortal Kombat style, or perhaps exposed to the vacuum of space until their heads explode.”

Despite widespread criticism of their work, Dr Morris and Dr Kelly, the researchers behind the study, are adamant that urgent action is required in order to prevent the complete collapse of society.

“Our findings are very worrying”, said Dr Morris. “Whereas we previously hypothesized that long-term exposure to video games would inevitably lead some unstable individuals to develop a pathological obsession with murder, we’ve since discovered that video games are in fact capable of transforming even the most mild-mannered of children into blood-crazed lunatics, often within seconds.

“In one experiment we simulated the act of loving parents giving their 12-year-old daughter the latest must-have video game for Christmas. Thirty seconds later everyone was dead. We ran this experiment a further 7 times to make sure we hadn’t made an error, but each time the result was exactly the same – everyone died, often horrifically.”


17 Comments

  • …..In regards to “In one experiment we simulated the act of loving parents giving their 12-year-old daughter the latest must-have video game for Christmas.” that paragraph where is the control how do you simulate a child’s mind this is completely ridiculous that is not an experiment it doesn’t follow the scientific method it is an opinion on a young child’s reaction.

  • This is stupid… where on earth do they get off saying that gamers get violent behaviour from the games that they play… I’m a gamer and I admit that some games get frustrating at times to the point where the controller gets thrown across the room but it is purely to my inability to do what I am trying to do… I don’t feel the need to harm anyone in the slightest and anyone that does feel the need to harm people after playing video games must have had something wrong with them to begin with.

  • mads pedersen

    Is thes a bad joke?
    “In one experiment we simulated the act of loving parents giving their 12-year-old daughter the latest must-have video game for Christmas. Thirty seconds later everyone was dead. We ran this experiment a further 7 times to make sure we hadn’t made an error, but each time the result was exactly the same – everyone died, often horrifically.”

    that is just the most stupid i ever read, if it took 30 second of gaming, for a 12 year old to kill its parents, then there would be over 800 million killers.

    That said, there is always some there have a mental dysfunction, there cant make the defrent between reality and fiction, but it is not the games foult, but more likely the foult of the sociaty, and the genes.

    I blame tunagaming, for evrything.

  • It pains me sometimes how stupid gamers can be. I am a gamer myself, but I don’t go out yelling absolutely stupid and hypocritical statements at these types of scientists. It only makes them seem like they’re right, when most of the time they’re not. HEY, SCIENTISTS, I PLAY BATTLEFIELD AND GTA TOO.

    Argh, this is what causes bad reputation for gamers. People like this.

    • Hahaha… Yeah, gamers are stupid. Completely unable to recognise satire when they see it. The comments on this page are funnier than the article.

  • This kinda reminds me of that South Australian Governor who got threaten by some gamers and said quote “Gamers are more dangerous than Bikies”(Outlaw Bike Gangs). Gamers just talk shit, much like a Athlete talks trash to his competitors.

    But these “Doctors” should get their doctorates taken from them, cause seriously why not do something that is going to help people instead of trying of doing a study that is going to be thrown in the bin after it gets printed.

  • Oh god, this comments section makes me want to weep.

  • Why is everyone incapable of realizing this is a joke?

  • You know it’s good satire when people take it seriously.

  • The comments the author puts in helps the scientist side of the argument they are speaking agressively, if some scientist told me “If you keep playing violent video games, you will more than likely go on to be a homicidal maniac.” I would simply laugh in there face.

  • As a game consumer and developer myself, I am exposed to violence on daily basis. We started using Nerf-Guns at the office and it was kind of fun! We switched to a more drastic conflict resolution within two weeks – brass knuckles and knives. We had some lethal disputes over a major design issue and use metal detectors since then. The number of violent incidents was reduced significantly. I miss John though.

  • shut up
    i think that games suckk specially the hhhhhhhhuhuuuuuuuhuhuhuhhuhuhuhuh

  • Not sure what is funnier, the article or the comments.

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