Investors breathed a collective sigh of relief as news of the long-awaited click was made public, with the company’s value reported to have skyrocketed to an eye-watering 34 gazillion dollars in the hours that followed.
“Hopefully this will silence the haters”, Zuckerberg said at a packed press conference this morning, proudly jingling the 67¢ in his hand. “Do you hear this?” he asked. “Does this sound like a fad to you? Does this sound like IPO fraud? Does this sound like the selling of personal user data to shady conglomerates? No! This is the sound of 67¢.”
Asked by one reporter whether he believed his company’s diversification strategy was compatible with its wider monetization ambitions, Zuckerberg looked nervous.
“Umm, well, you know… it’s all about, err… connecting, togetherness… umm…inspiring connections, umm, that sort of thing. Ummm… perhaps another redesign?
However, despite positive reactions to news of the click, The Daily Pixel has obtained evidence to suggest that it may have in fact been unintentional – reinforcing the popular view that no one in their right mind would be interested in the bullshit peddled on Facebook.
Speaking exclusively to our reporter, Brit Jason Falconer, 27, explained why he believed he might be the man behind Facebook’s change in fortune following its disastrous stock market floatation in May.
“I’d been looking at pictures of my exes on Facebook when suddenly my girlfriend walked in”, Jason told us. “In my mad panic to close the browser tab I think I might have accidently clicked on an advert for free pubic lice removal.
I mean, surely that’s the only explanation? Or are people really interested in this sort of crap?”Tweet