Moms admit they have no idea which Call of Duty they’re supposed to be buying this time

October 21, 2012 12:00 pm

With the next installment in the Call of Duty franchise now just weeks away, moms across America have admitted that they have absolutely no fucking idea which one they’re supposed to be buying.

Armed only with the knowledge that their sons will be mocked and bullied mercilessly by their classmates should they fail in their task, thousands of concerned mothers have taken to the internet to try and work out what in God’s name the Black Ops is and why they need to buy two.

“Ladies, calm down. Surely this is just Modern Warfare 4?”, queried BigMomma33, a forum member at cafemom.com. “Because I’m pretty sure the last one I bought was Modern Warfare 3, so this must be Modern Warfare 4, right?”

“Wait, wasn’t Modern Warfare actually Call of Duty 4? So we must surely be up to at least number five by now?”, responded an uncertain YummyMummy1977.

“No, no, no! Don’t confuse things!”, replied Mydogsleepsonthebed. “We’ve discussed this before and we all agreed that Call of Duty 5 became Battlefield 3, so I think there’s a good chance we’re actually dealing with Battlefield 4.”

“For the love of God can anyone tell me what Hello 4 is?”, asked another frantic user.

Meanwhile, young gamers are increasingly concerned that even if by some miracle their moms successfully purchase the right game, it will almost certainly be for the wrong system.

“I wrote everything down for my mom, but the stupid bitch still went and got me Dishonored for the PS3 instead of the 360″, said a teary-eyed Graham Jones of Montgomery, Alabama. “I mean, seriously, what the fuck? She was the one that said I couldn’t have a PS3 because it was too expensive, and now she’s mocking me by buying games for it?”


7 Comments

  • “For the love of God can anyone tell me what Hello 4 is?”

    I laughed so hard…

  • Hilarious article!

  • Mothers mothers mothers mothers mothers! Please lend me your attention. Do not buy any of these games for your spoiled unhelpful little brat. Please pay attention to the esrb rating on the boxes. Please notice that it says m for mature 18+. Does little Johnny really fall into that category? Why don’t you pick them up something nice rated e for everyone instead. You souls be doing all adult gamers a great service. No Bobby calling you a faggot for shooting him for the 5th time because he keeps camping in the same spot. We would all be in your debt.
    Sincerely,
    Me

    • It’s actually rated M for 17 and older

    • This. We don’t need anymore 5 year olds crying over the mic in 18+ games to ruin it for the rest of us.
      Also, please buy better games that aren’t feeding atrocious companies with repetitive shovel ware titles.

      There are some pretty good shooters out there that aren’t Halo and CoD, also, fighting games aren’t too bad.

      Plenty of great free multiplayer games out there too for the PC if you actually would care to invest in gaming computer.

    • its.. its a joke,Dave. learn to read the header of the site better before going on your next tirade, ok killer?
      seriously, your shouting into oblivion here.

  • Agh. Tell me about it. The main thing I hate about FPS games is always the community, 5-13 year olds ruining the experience. Main reason why I don’t buy Call of Duty or Battlefield titles anymore.

    An actual Xbox Live conversation that took place during a Mass Effect 3 match:

    Kid: Are you a COD or battlefield?
    Me: Neither!
    Kid: You must like one…CHOOSE NOW or you will foreveors be a n00b
    Me: Didn’t you hear me? I said NEITHER damn it!
    Kid: Then you musts be a Halo guy then.
    Me: Well I do prefer it over…
    Kid: Ha!
    Me: Didn’t your mother tell you, it’s rude to interrupt someone?
    Kid: Yous a halo n00b! Ha! Ha!
    Guy: Shut up! Jesus Christ! Why do you have this game anyway?
    Kid: Multiplayer. Campaign sucks anyway. Only reason why this is the best in the series.
    Me: What and money waster three is better?
    Guy: **laughs**
    Me: I’m embarrassed by you. You are a disgrace to the gaming community! You’re filth! I would rather drink sweat from Margret Thatcher’s armpits than spend another second in your presence!
    Guy: Who me?
    Me: No.

    He continued the match calling me a n00b, faggot and just about every other word. To which I either ignored him or claimed that his mother was calling him down for dinner. He also asked who Margret Thatcher was, I told him that she was Slenderman’s daughter.

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