Nothing better with Kinect, say scientists

better_with_kinectA team of scientists at Cambridge University, England, have concluded that absolutely nothing can be improved, bettered or enhanced through the use of Microsoft’s popular motion sensing input device.

Since launching in 2010, numerous Xbox 360 games have claimed to be better with Kinect. However, scientists involved in the 3-year research project have stated that, despite extensive testing, they could find no evidence to suggest that Kinect was capable of benefiting anything.

Dr Bryan Woods, who headed up the UK-based team, said: “We initially started testing Kinect with various video games but quickly discovered that, far from improving the experience, use of the device immediately reduced our enjoyment of any given title by up to 97.4%. When you consider how fucking terrible some of these Kinect games are to begin with, that’s a pretty scary figure.

Gardening was just one of the many activities scientists discovered to be better without Kinect.

Gardening was just one of the many activities scientists discovered to be better without Kinect.

“After exhausting all compatible video games, we turned our attention to combining the Kinect sensor with other, non-gaming activities, such as gardening, going on a hot date and taking a long walk in the countryside, in the hope that we’d find something that was, as Microsoft have so regularly claimed, actually better with Kinect.

“However, in all instances the Kinect sensor provided no additional enjoyment and in the vast majority of cases actually made already unpleasant tasks, such as cleaning the toilet, over 50% less enjoyable.”

Dr Woods concluded: “Whilst we can’t completely rule out the possibility that there might exist some sick-minded individual capable of extracting some sort of perverse enjoyment from this horrid device, we remain confident in our claim that nothing is better with Kinect.

Asked whether they would, in light of the findings, consider labelling future games with a “Better without Kinect” sticker, Microsoft declined to comment.

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9 Comments

  1. I think combining Kinect with a hammer or a large amount of explosives might produce an enjoyable experience. Other than that I think I agree with the findings.

  2. Brilliant and true study, that !

  3. Hahaha! Very fun read! Every time I saw MS demoing the Kinect I always ended with a WTF expression on my face! Do you remember that one where you use it in a shooter extending your arm to aim, and then opening and closing your hand to shoot? or the one where you were supposed to ride a horse and you just had to move your arms as if you were pulling the horse strings? Or in the Forza games where you put you hands in the air holding an invicible wheel? Hahaha, yea right, like if that will make me want to buy a Kinect. I agree that nothing gets better with Kinect.

  4. This takes a dump on Cambridge University more than Kinect. Thank you for ruining our reputation over here with false information!

    Brian (yes with an I) Woods, PhD

  5. Wow. What a stupid study. Those people who did this study must be a bunch of closed minded fools who can’t seem to justify their existence at the university except by wasting their time coming up with a way to show how useless the Kinect is in not just gaming but also… gardening? While others are studying human behavior, cancer, robotics, and other things that could help better mankind in some way, these idiots are attempting to disprove a slogan a company has and uses to make money off their project.

    On the other hand, this DOES seem like a kind of joke article. Their blatant use of expletives and obvious bashing of MS games leans me towards the idea of it either not being a serious study or the article itself not being serious. In either case, it seems to boil down to a strict Kinect/MS bashfest. With that said, I’m surprised that, if the study is a joke, why they didn’t decide to bash on Sony’s Move. I think they would have a much better time coming up with all kinds of ways to make fun of that piece of garbage.

    • So, I’ve never been to this site before so I didn’t realize this site is like the Onion.com. Interesting. Will read more…

  6. I don’t have a KINECT and was never interested in the extra expense. So I really don’t have an opinion on it. However, there is no way to perform a decent study based on the limited number of video games available compared to those video games that don’t make use of the device at all. Most companies feeling there way through something completely new will not be able to make full use of it’s capabilities. This alone to most people would mean an unbiased decent study couldn’t be performed in the first place. I would think unbiased researchers would point this out. Is there anything stating the methodology or testing practices or is this just a device they decided label as pointless?

  7. The Kinect 2.0 is DOA. M$ even knows that its garbage having opted to NOT use it for Ryse, an Xbone launch exclusive.

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